Compliment or Complete?
Maybe it’s about semantics or maybe perception. None the less, it’s an issue that’s debated. I don’t know if it matters all that much but I had a conversation with someone a few months back on this topic that ended up changing our relationship.
So the question is (in the relationship sense - where you are ‘more than friends’) are you looking for someone who ‘completes’ you or ‘compliments’ you? Let me expound on that for a second.
By complete I mean the whole “you complete me” Jerry McGuire moment. I mean, there’s a hole in my life that I need you to fill in order to be complete. Complete, as I understand the word to mean, is something that is whole, a project that is done, a thing that lacks nothing. Complete, finished, done, perfect.
Compliment, in this discussion, does not mean expressing praise. It’s more like added value. For example, in a meal the wine compliments the entrée. In compliment, one person brings out the best qualities in the other person.
I’m trying to write this from an objective perspective, but since it’s something I feel strongly about, I believe I have failed. So I’ll just tell you what my take on this topic is. I am independent, I am complete on my own, and I don’t need a man (or woman) to make me ‘perfect.’ I think that saying you, as an individual, are incomplete is kind of an insult and I don’t think God made us incomplete. In the same sense, I don’t think God intended for us to be alone (necessarily, but that’s a different blog altogether). Personally, I'm looking for someone who compliments me. A person who brings out my best qualities and helps improve my worst. I'm looking for a someone who's personality meshes with mine in such a way that allows me to be an individual while encouraging me to grow.
In the past I believed my view to be pretty much what the majority thought. Then I had a conversation with someone that was my age who completely disagreed with me. So now I’m curious to find out what you guys think about this relationship issue. (That means give me feed back!) Even though you know my stance on this, I still want honest input whether it be agreeing, disagreeing or other.
Thanks!
posted by Priscilla @ 8:56 AM
4 Comments:
This is far too interesting for me not to comment on, so here goes an attempt.
I believe that people are complete on their own. But I don't think that most people realize it. Most of us grew up with the idea that spending the rest of your life with someone is the way to go. And if you don't have that "significant other" then your life is still incomplete.
I think that if you've found that "perfect" other, they would be someone who complements you as a person, but completes your life.
Then again, I'm not sure I have a good perspective on this since I am sort of lacking the experience in that area. =D
But that's just my two cents.
I feel as if both are related, but as long as you are unable to compliment yourself, you are not complete yet. It is not an insult; it is not about being created to be complete, but being created to have the potential to be so. Our trip to completeness is what is valuable about us, not just ourselves.
Sometimes, existence of such a person triggers our inner mind to bring the best out; such a person makes us less scared of changes, improvements, and challenges. I think that is all the contribution one may get and that is all someone may need…When someone feels complete, it has few to do with the other person, but s/he is the key to compliment ourselves to completeness.
Indeed, I am one of the last guys to talk about this kind of things; even my mind is full of confusion. All I know is that life is not discrete; there is no exact true or exact wrong and white is mixed with black.
lol, why are you making me write this kind of things? I have had never thought about this before :-P. And now it is 1:59 AM already, are you happy :-) ?
Have a great night Priscilla,
sincerely,
Murat.
A very interesting discussion! The difference may seem slight, but I think there is a big difference. I will try to spare you a complete theological discourse on Genesis 2 and a retelling of Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (a very good discussion on this topic).
I think that to say a spouce/ significant other completes you (ie, your total happiness and well-being is completely under the control of the other person) is putting that person in the place God should fill.
While there may seem to be a void in our life that a significant other would fill (think Adam's rib), we can still survive without it (you can live just fine without one rib). But if you find that person, ideally, your life is so much better because they compliment/enhance so many things about you.
It's the difference between relying on another person to give you happiness, and being happy and having an identity on your own, but that happiness and identity is greatly enhanced by the other person. It's a pretty heavy burden to be solely responsible for a person's happiness and well-being. And I don't think God intended anyone but him to do that.
I think it is all in how far along the relationship is. In the beginning, a person should compliment you. If you think someone you have only known for a few months or even a year or two completes you, I think it is more of a maturity issue. Inexperienced people often think that this will happen immediately when they fall in love.But I think this can happen in time. People who have been together for decades, they come to know each other as well as they know themselves, and then one fills in naturally where the other lacks. That is completing someone, if you ask me, but that takes years.
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