The Problem with Nice Guys
In considering the topic of 'nice guys finish last' I came across a veritable gold mine of jaded men writing articles about how nice guys always get the shaft. One article actually asked "if nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single?" Well, Alec, I've got an answer for you: about 78% of guys would classify themselves as "nice." Reality, on the other hand, is that 10% of those same men are, in fact, nice guys. So, in essence, nice guys (single nice guys, that is) almost don't exist. Just because you claim to be a nice guy, does not necessarily make you a nice guy. Perception and reality are not always in sync.
It is not the fact that someone is a nice guy that is the problem nor is it a deterrent to my feelings. The problem is that most of the supposed nice guys that I've met have some other major character flaw that negates the nice factor. Men are quick to blame their singleness on the fact that women only want to date jerks. But to face the truth, to honestly see what your flaws are, is a much more difficult thing to do. (I'm not suggesting that I'm perfect, I'm certainly not. But I am realistic about it. I know where my deficiencies are and am not looking to blame someone else for them. I'd rather think about fixing them.)
I will admit that I have been attracted to an occasional bad-boy and have dated a jerk or two in my day. But attraction to them is a very different thing than having a relationship with them. Bad boys are alright for a fling and the occasional adventure, but that's about it. For a real relationship I do want a nice guy. But a nice guy that fits what I'm looking for.
Also, in my reading I found the statement, "men realize that most women generally don't know what they want from us." Maybe nine years ago when I was in high school I would have been able to agree with this perspective. But now I can say that that is a bunch of crap. Of course, I can only speak from my own perspective, and this attempted shift of blame is ridiculous. I personally know exactly what I'm looking for in a man, and I certainly know what I want from him.
I guess what I’m trying to say in all of this is that I don’t believe the whole nice guys finish last myth.
posted by Priscilla @ 7:40 PM
5 Comments:
AMEN!!!!!!!!!
I forgot to mention, nice guys are often associated with men who are gentle, kind, and soft-spoken. This is not what I mean by nice, I'm definately not searching for a wimp.
I've always thought that the truly nice guys have all been taken. So I'm with you that the myth is, well, just a myth.
Well said Sweet P.....However let me share some thoughts about nice guy! With all kind of book available on increasing dating probability.....teaches guy how to pretend to be nice. Sweet talkers, smooth talkers and many other.....just be careful with this type of jerks. Girls on the other hand need to be realistic on what they want from a guy. Admit the fact that no one is perfect. I can assure you there is no such thing as nice guy but unique guys. Definition of one women's nice guy might not necessarily true to another.
You know, I read an article in TIME magazine last week (or maybe two weeks ago, whatever) by a woman that echoed your sentiment. Her thing was "Where have all the tough guys gone?" She was saying that these days there is no Bogart, Gable, or John Wayne type tough guy. These days all the guys you see in the entertainment world are pathetic losers that don't know up from down unless someone is controlling their lives for them. The sad thing is, as you pointed out, that's what most girls picture of a "nice guy" is. I think you're really on to something when you say you want a man's man, someone who isn't afraid to be themselves and knows what they want in life and how to get it. John Wayne was a nice, protective guy, but he wasn't afraid of chipping a nail opening up a can of whup ass either.
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