Simple Acts

It was another late night, kinda the trend these days. The elevators are faster when no one’s around, for some strange reason, so that’s always nice. The parking garage is empty too, which means I don’t have to follow patients going 5 mph (yes it’s the posted speed but seriously), which also means I get home faster. I-4 is usually more sparse that late too (less stupid ppl on the road = less road rage).

Anyway, so it was late, I was happy to be leaving and in a hurry to get home to the pup. A guy gets off the elevator a little bit after I got off mine. He was far enough back that I had to pause for a moment to hold the door for him. I almost didn’t, partly bc I didn’t really care and partly bc I was in a hurry to go home and do nothing. But I did, and it wasn’t that big of deal. Until he said, “thanks, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me all day.”

Then I felt like an idiot. This 2 second sacrifice I made had made a difference to someone else. How silly of me to second guess taking time to help someone. And stupid that I am afraid to go further with it than that. At that point I did care. I wanted him to have a better day because I know what crappy days are like. I think I said something like “Awwww, that’s too bad. But you’re going home now!” I should have cared more, asked questions maybe. I’m just afraid of interfering in ppls lives when they don’t want me there. Which is stupid. Because if they didn’t want me there then they’d tell me and I would know.

I want to be more like a guy I know at church. He serves with reckless abandon. He will go the extra mile because he sees a need and he can do something. Its so lame that fear is the reason I don’t do more, to make a difference. I’m not quite sure how to get past it though.